yes I made this alt account because I did want to start over, the ways I foolishly acted was NOT the real me by a longshot which you already know and I saw no other way to get a clean start other than to make a new name, but some admin/mod had to go around saying "hey look, this newcomer is paragod by his ip" easily making that plan fall within an hour.
to put it simply, every time I had made an extreme quitting post(other than the first few) I just shouted out ANYTHING random whether it was untrue or mean cause I thought I was never coming back and at that point I didnt care about what people thought about me cause I felt I could never restore myself and get any respect as your everyday player. in other words.. I knew I had already screwed myself when it comes to reputation, so I wanted to look as bad as I could.
and by that I dont mean "bad***" or anything, its just.. i dunno how to explain it :/
why... I have not a clue, and it certainly the WRONG thing to do, the most wrong possible this I know.
ps rpg.. I do not want to kill myself, do not worry, it was just one of those things I said when I was in my frustrated rage as I wrote in my post cause I tried to make myself look as bad as I could
rick, I totally understand exactly what you are saying to me, but we have a couple misunderstandings, my motive of being nice and helpful is because I wanted to do it, I did not expect recognition from it directly, I was simply saying that I know some people in life have many friends and they are quite mean themselves. (Im not directing this at any of you here) what I meant was I expect people to mentally appreciate what I have done for them, not as in with a return-favor or anything, just for something to go off in their head like "hmm this kid is really thoughtful" or something like that.
also, you misread what I said about friends, I had meant I have never had one in my life, which probably had a lot to do with the problems I have had here because I felt ignored like I feel everyday in life, even though really I was not ignored, I just THOUGHT I was because of some reason.. but I understand that now
stefan every single thing you said about me is true, but I didnt intend for those things to happen and they would not be true if I had been myelf.. For the reasons in the above paragraph, I did want attention cause I didnt feel I was getting any even though I was. I know you are a very great and smart person that has always helped me much, I didnt mean to say i disliked you or anyone else .
So to sum it up like I said from the start I had created so many sidestories and posted false info about myself(Though not all of it was false) I just said forget it and started over, it did not work, "Im willing to start clean once and for all but these guys give away my identity so I cannot" is what was running through my head as I made my 3 "screw life" posts above cause I was really frustrated and felt as if you wouldnt let me come back. Anything I said in these type of posts were not me acting myself I just came up with any random stupid comment to try to get back at you guys for something you never did, that I did to myself.
Right now here is how I stand. I do not hate or even remotely closely hate anyone here obviously cause I have no reason to, and I want you all to realize that any post I made where I acted like a regular person is how I really am. I have recently came to realize I have some sorts of social disorder which has plagued me for my whole life but I have made a great step towards overcoming it. and is what made me feel as if I did not get much attention here and is the reason that I have done anything stupid that I did.
so I ask that you all forget any idiotic posts I have made one last time, and let me be myself as I should have from the beginning and I guarantee none of this will never happen again, and none of this WOULD of happened had if I had just opened my eyes and realized how things really were for me here. if it does ever happen again(it wont) you all have every right to hack my location of where live and do whatever you want to me lol.
One last chance to start COMPLETELY fresh is my request, will you accept or will you detest?
I know I cannot change the past and you should never just act like it never happed and goes away, but that is honestly all I feel I can do in this situation.. I hope that is understood
If you decline.. then I will completely understand.. but it would make me sad cause I know I can show you guys how I really am =(